Christian Spouses, Parents & Grandparents – Raising Children – A Single Gal’s Observations

I think we all know by now that I, like many public & motivational speakers, or preachers, have no qualms stepping on toes.  It’s a fact of life! I get mine stepped on a LOT…and truth be told I NEED it…A LOT!

So, let me go ahead and remind you to keep your “you don’t have kids so you don’t understand” comments in your mouth or your mind. I don’t have to have children to know what God’s word says…or the hell I’ve witnessed my friend’s go through.

First things first: And I’ll be blunt and upfront about this: Children ARE NEVER an “Accident” or a “burden”!!!  To be frank those statements PISS.ME.OFF whenever I hear someone call them such!  They are GOD.BREATHED.MIRACLES. that are sent to BLESS a bad situation, or union, by taking the absolute best of a man and a woman and creating beauty from them.

If you’re having sex then you’re old enough to know that sex produces these tiny little miracles known as children.  Your CONSEQUENCE to having sex outside of marriage, or marrying someone other than THE ONE God designed just for you, is NOT the child(ren) that come…it’s the fact that you have to now deal with the other part of that little miracle’s DNA for the rest of their life…and the fact that you have to GROW UP, quit the party life, and become a responsible ADULT. They’re not the consequence…the other parent is and the responsibility is.

We all know that God doesn’t make mistakes…humans do.  God, and only God, can breathe life.  ”Everything works for good to those that love the Lord”, “In HIS perfect timing…” so, then it shouldn’t be a surprise that if you’re sleeping around outside of His perfect design for Holy Matrimony that you come up pregnant…or you’re now a “baby daddy”, or if you’re on birth control (don’t get me started on that…that’s another post in itself) you get BLESSED with a child. Sex is for the enjoyment of a husband and wife and for PROCREATION! Duh!

NOW!  Back to the original reason for this post!

GRANDPARENTS:

NOW, that goes for grandparents too.  Don’t go acting all high and mighty and “disowning” your child or grand child because your child, their parent, sinned.  You did too…you DO! We all do. “For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.”  Yes, sexual sins are greater sins as they involve “the temple”…our body, BUT I’m pretty sure you’re not so squeaky clean yourself…and let’s be honest just because they reach 18 and are legally an adult doesn’t mean your job is over…you’re still their parent.  There’s still a TON that they need to be taught, comforted with and through, or helped with.  You still do, and you’ll need more help the older you get…remember that! REMEMBER THAT!

We’ve all heard that phrase “it takes a village to raise a child”.  It’s true!  It takes me, and you, and a whole slew of other people to help raise a child.  Look back at your life…was there only one person who raised you? No!  There were parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, preachers, teachers, friends, etc… who raised you. Who helped mold and shape you.

This next part is probably about to ruffle some feathers, but reading blogs from Christian parents and seeing it play out in SO many of my own friend’s lives just magnifies that it needs to be said….

TAKE THE KIDS! I’m not saying permanently, well…unless they’re dead beat parents, addicts, abusive, etc… in which case you NEED to take them!  The children are after all their parent’s responsibilities, but every now and then TAKE.THE.KIDS! Remember how stressed out you were as a parent!  How you would’ve killed for a weekend away with your spouse, even a NIGHT out without the kids! I’m “only” an aunt, but I see the need in so many of my frazzled friend’s marriages for the NEED for someone to step up and say “Honey, we know you need it, so tell us when you can get away, and we’re taking the kids this weekend/week/night”

SPOUSES:

You are, or you SHOULD be, your beloved’s SECOND priority…God being the FIRST one, and children THIRD. That’s not me yo!  That’s Biblical! “Leave thy father and mother and cleave…” to who? To your children? No ma’am, no sir…you cleave to your SPOUSE. Too many marriages fall apart because when the baby carriage comes along the love and marriage fall by the way side. “Don’t keep your self from your spouse” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

Far too many spouses, women especially from what I’ve seen, let the babies creep in above their beloved spouse. And that leaves the foundation of the marriage on very shaky ground.  Remember that part in the verse above… “⁵ Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” WOW!  Remember that!  Why? Because in doing so you let Satan creep in with some other man or woman who’s more than willing to cherish and love your spouse when you’re busy forgetting about them…your beloved.

***Husbands: your wives need you!  Yes it might’ve looked like something out of a horror flick in the delivery room…you have GOT to see past that! They’re still that beautiful, soft, precious being that God put you in charge of caring for her spiritual, emotional, and physical needs!  It’s up to you to remind them of how beautiful and sexy they are….she sees past your whiny, weak, can’t do anything for yourself when you’re sick…you can see her as more than a baby birthing machine…tell her she’s beautiful and sexy…love her post baby body…she earned those stripes chief!!!

Also, fellas, take the initiative to orchestrate with her friends a girls week/weekend a few times a year, and get with the g-parents to orchestrate romantic escapades for just.the.two.of.you!  Most of them won’t ever do it on their own, but they NEED IT! So, help them out, ENCOURAGE them to get away!  Too many moms seem to get this “guilt” thing going when they even talk about getting away…shouldn’t happen!  They need it.  Give it to them! You have your golf, or your guns, or your job, etc… that takes you away for nights or weeks, or weekends…what does she have?  What does she get to do to release, reboot, recharge? If you look at the ratio of guys time vs girls time usually the scale tips wayyyyy to the dad’s side on time away!  Give momma bear a break!

Grandparents, Spouses…and EVERYONE ELSE:

We see it on the news all too often. “Mom drives van with kids strapped in seats off bridge.” “Parent kills children then turns gun on their-self” …Why is this happening? Because they NEEDED someone to step in and give them a break.  They were overloaded. They needed help, and weren’t getting it.  They “snapped”. NO!  I do not condone this in any way shape or form because they could’ve and should’ve asked for help, but have you ever been so overwhelmed, so consumed by EVERY.SINGLE.THING you have to do that you just pray and wish someone would step in without you having to ask? I have!!  Oh man have I ever…and I don’t have children.

Remember this: No matter how calm and “together” someone may appear above the surface I can guarantee you they’re like a duck on the pond…underneath where you can’t see they’re churning away just trying to stay afloat and keep pushing forward.

We’re a very proud society.  There’s so much “silent suffering” going on, and it’s unnecessary!  ”I did it.  So can they!”  ”I survived. My kids survived.  So will theirs”, and my “favorite”… ‘Well, I never got a break.” Guess what folks! Not everyone is the same!  Not everyone is created with the same stability, emotional control, drive, desires, stubbornness, or prideful-ness that maybe you are, and that’s why you could do it but someone else can’t! And they’re not supposed to!  WE’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO!

We’re here to be the “third strand” so that we’re not “Easily broken”…sometimes a spouse isn’t the right thread right at that moment that someone needs to just hang on.  Sometimes it’s YOU! You’re the lifeline. Throw out the rope…even if it’s just a pizza….

I read a blog the other day, written by a Pastor and a dad, and for the life of me can’t find the bookmark now, BUT it was something along the line’s of “You’re not a bad parent”.  He talked about how someone recently told him “cherish every moment.  It goes by so fast” and he wanted to hit them.  He talked about how frazzled, and stressed he and his wife were, and that how someone just saying “You’re not a bad parent.  It’s ok.  Everyone feels this way” would’ve probably made him weep (again, I’m paraphrasing as I can’t find the it again…of course.)  He said at the end of it something to the effect of “just drop by with a pizza, or dinner, or tell them you’ll take the kids for a bit so they can get out. It will mean the world to them.”

This was something that I’D been thinking we needed…and I’m single…with NO kids…yet!  When I read that it flashed through my mind all of the times I’ve heard my friends from all across the states, globe, and web talk about how they just wished someone would step up and help them out.

What hurts my heart even more are the number of struggling parents who DO, on the very rare chance, reach out and ASK for help… for a reprieve…a break, and they’re met with being made to feel like a burden!  If they’re asking, and they hardly ever ask and/or you never offer, then you know they NEED it…so help them out! Otherwise, when they snap because they won’t ask again for fear of being made to feel like a failure for having to ask the first time that’s partially on you!

Here’s the problem I have with so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins… these days. “I raised my babies!  I ain’t raising no more”….WRONG! Your job’s not done!  That’s not Biblical. That’s lazy! Yikes…maybe that last part was harsh because I’m not a parent yet, and I don’t understand? Ummm no…

The way I see it Jesus helped all sorts of people, believers and non, sinners, fornicators, drunks, raised people from the dead, and then we crucified Him. He could’ve said “welp, my job is done!” But no…He went on and defeated Hell so we believers wouldn’t have to suffer it, then He rose again, is still working miracles for us everyday, and then He’s coming back to get us!  He took on more than He ever deserved or had to for people who didn’t and don’t deserve it…because HE LOVES US! He’s STILL working for us…but His “job” was done technically when He rose from the grove! WOW!

As long as we’re breathing our job is no where near done. That doesn’t just go for parenting.  That goes for everything. When we retire we can’t just sit down, and do nothing.  Medicine proves that a sedentary lifestyle will kill you quicker than a hard days work ever will.  Our bodies were created to work…and mostly to LOVE!  If we learn anything from the Bible it’s that loving IS work!  Loving is being the hands and feet of Christ…even when we feel “entitled” to do nothing.

Children NEED to see that they’re loved, they’re cared about, THEY’RE WANTED…by more than just mommy and daddy!   I’ve seen it too much where grandparents, aunts, uncles, a whole side of the family, are purposefully/spitefully kept from the kids, and that…well…don’t get me going on that either.  If they’re family, they’re not harming the children, and they want to see them then TAKE THEM TO SEE THEIR FAMILY!  And grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc… when they get brought to you be about them! Love them! BUT respect their parent’s rules and wishes. Don’t make their job harder by always trying to spoil them or be “the good guys”. Sure it’s funny to joke about it, but I’m pretty certain you hated it when your parents did that to your children…don’t repeat the cycle.  They’re struggling enough getting them to mind as it is…

Parents: TAKE THEM!  ”To grandmother’s house we go!”  I was taken to both of my grandmother’s houses each and every holiday, and family dinners throughout the year or on Sundays.  I plan on that being the case with my children someday.  We hit Dad’s mom in the morning and mom’s mom in the evening.  They wanted me to see my grandparents, and my grandparents wanted to see me, so they took us to see them!  I can remember my grannies asking for my folks to bring us over…and they did!

I stayed the night with my grannies as a kid a lot!  I can remember one night having to go to the outhouse at my mammaws because that’s what she had to use.  (Talk about being grateful for my home and plumbing!)  I don’t ever remember being told “no you can’t stay the night” or “not tonight” when we wanted to stay with them… but I can remember that outhouse at mammaw’s, her wrinkled smile, sweatsuits, and her beanie.  I remember nights laughing with my cousins when we’d all stay over at Pappy’s, and I blame my Pappy for her getting me hooked on salsa and ranch because that’s what she’d have with tortilla chips before bed.  All of these are experiences that children NEED to have with their family!  It shapes them. It molds them… IT HELPS MOM AND DAD OUT!

Your job is not done when you’re done raising your kids. Your job is lessened, but your grandkids NEED you…more so YOUR KIDS STILL NEED YOU!  And remember…you’ll need them eventually!

On that note: Your job is not done once you’ve retired. Your job is not done once you’ve built a successful business. Your job is not done once you defeat an addiction. Your job is not done…there are millions of people crying, and DYING for help, advice, a life saver…and that’s you…that’s me…toss them a rope!

Just because “no one ever helped me out” doesn’t mean you’re in the clear or off the hook for helping out others…especially your own flesh and blood. “Do unto others” isn’t conditional to “if it was done for me I’ll do it for them.”

It takes a village to raise a child…be the village!

P.S.

Parents now hear this:  This doesn’t give you the free reign to abuse your parent’s love of you or your children. They’re still YOUR children, YOUR responsibility to care for, so don’t abuse your parent’s/grandparent’s love…there’s a line. Appreciate that line, and respect their time and love too.

What Are We Teaching Our Daughters? – Swimsuits for girls – Protecting Their Innocence

I saw this blog post earlier this morning, and seeing it again being reposted and shared reminded me of something I wrote about, and talked about to a few friends who are mothers of girls last year.

She brings up some amazing points in the blog above, not just about shorts and under things for children (and YES until you’re legally an adult at 18 you’re still a child so get.over.it!), but since it’s warming up out your little GIRLS are going to start wearing summer clothes soon, and that includes bathing suits.

It has always disgusted me as I see the nasty, perverted MEN scamming on these BABIES in two-piece suits in public pools, gyms, beaches, etc…  At your own home where perverts or lustful eyes can’t see them that’s your prerogative, but when other’s can see them, when bikinis and two-pieces were designed to show off the female form, there’s absolutely no sense in a CHILD showing off soooo much of their form to anyone!

So what, teens, you have a white stomach…who’s going to see it except your mommas?  Your answer should be “no one…except my HUSBAND one day wayyyy down the road”…just FYI!  A swim suit is to cover and protect your “naughty bits” in the water.  Knowing that, less is NOT more.  Two pieces aren’t that practical in the ocean anyway….Jelly fish stings are HORRIBLE…why would you want to give them so much more skin to sting? Just a practical thought

Youth Pastors and leaders (I speak from experience here) have caught flack from their YOUTH about requiring T-Shirts over their swimsuits or being required to wear one-pieces on Church trips…Why? It shouldn’t be a foreign concept to a Church raised, Church going, child that their body is to be hidden…because it’s a private privilege reserved for their future husband…and no one else!

This may step on a lot of toes, but it’s a problem that’s getting worse by the year.  When 5, 6 and 7 year olds are demanding bikinis, and like the blog post I mentioned brings up…PADDED swimsuit tops, for even little bitty girls there’s a HUGE problem!

It should never be the first time a girl hears that she must wear a one piece or a tshirt on a Church trip to cover herself from the youth leader.  Where are the mothers and fathers who still want to protect their daughter’s innocence? Where are the mothers and fathers who want to protect their daughter’s form from the eyes of perverts or lustful eyes…and we all know they are a plenty!  I am just an aunt, and I seek it and hope it for my nieces!

So, yes, we MUST absolutely TELL our daughters all of these valuable reinforcements mentioned in this blog…especially in a world of rap videos that objectify and DEMEAN them to nothing except chattel or “arm candy”, Super Bowl Commercials and performances that sex-ify them, but it is also our job to protect them with clothing that shows their age and INNOCENSE!  There is nothing innocent about booty shorts, midriff bearing tube tops, or sun dresses that are too short to sit in.

I don’t believe sex/human trafficking would be such a growing epidemic if we became more of a parent and less of a friend.  We’ve long let educating our children about sex, the proper role and proper routine of courtship/dating, and how to behave with the opposite sex slack off.  In doing so we’ve given media, music, the internet, youtube videos, TV, commercials, other children, etc… the power to raise and inform our children…or rather MISINFORM!

I dare be so bold as to say that unless they’re of courting age (and remember my post that starts talking about the true purpose of dating/courting being to find out if one is marriage material…NOT “a right of passage”) then trying to impress anyone with clothing or swimsuits is pointless at such young, not marriage ready, ages.

We can tell our girls how valuable they are, how beautiful they are despite the skewed sense of what the world says is “beauty”, & that true beauty comes from within. We can tell them that they are worthy of pursuing, are priceless gems whom God created in His image, and that they are not sex objects to be LUSTED after but are rare pearls to be LOVED, chased, and won over….BUT if we do not show them how to protect their innocence, and appearance, while also telling them then it’s all in vain. If we do not step up and actually take steps to protect them…well…words without actions produce nothing.

The type of attention they garner in sexy clothing or swimsuits only brings about a barrage of attention from those BOYS (or perverts if they’re of manly age) that we laugh about in songs or TV shows where the father is portrayed staying up late, threatening the boy, or sitting around cleaning his gun.  Undesirables.

Do we want undesirables pursuing our girls for the sake of satisfying a fleshly, tempting desire they know nothing about it’s purpose, plan or devastating consequences; or do we want men pursuing women for the purpose to love, CHERISH, and marry?

The fault does go both ways but in a society where true father figures are rare, and educating our baby boys about how to treat a lady, how to CONTROL their thoughts and bodies towards our baby girls is even more scarce, it is our responsibility to try to control what goes on a child’s body.  It is our responsibility to SHIELD their bodies from the eyes of those who seek to destroy their innocence.

Think of it like this: How many times have you seen a teenager in a skimpy outfit or bikini that you thought was “too much” (or too little!)…what’d you say about that girl? “She must be loose” “Well!  I guess she likes to party!” “I bet all the boys are all over her!” “Well, if she’s wearing that then she deserves what she gets!”…Yes people these are all things I’ve heard other MOTHERS say about other mother’s daughters….

Imagine they’re saying the same thing about your daughter in her bikini or outfit…but not just another mother…think like a dirty old man, or a horny boy…. whether she’s 5 or 15…” DANG! That’s a tight piece of ***….I’d like to hit that!” “WOW! She got a booty like WHOA!” “Duuuuuude! Check out the rack on her!” “Oh what a tiny little body! I’d like to have that curled up next to me” and there’s more disgusting thoughts I know you’ve probably heard in a rap song about what they think about these baby girls!

Think about those thoughts above the next time you take her shopping.  I’m not saying she needs to be in ground length dresses/skirts, and long sleeved turtle necks all year long, but there’s a line.  Imagine what someone will say about her in that outfit or swimsuit…imagine it from a young boy or dirty old man perspective. If it wouldn’t ping their “sexy little thing” radar then you’re probably good to go!  They’re GIRLS! They’re CHILDREN. They’re NOT sexy!!

What we teach them now will have everything to do with how they see themselves, how they ACT when they are older and out of your eye!  Teach them that what they wear is not important…it’s WHO they are…and WHOSE they are, that matters.

It’s time we take back innocence…it’s time we infused our girls with values and VIRTUE…one step at a time!

The Dirty 30 – Happy 30th Birthday…to me!

It was Monday…last week.  A week ago I turned 30.  Really? Me? Inconceivable!

But it happened. I did it. God has been breathing life in to my lungs for 30 years. Still seems like it’s not real.  THIRTY YEARS have went by….THIRTY whole years that I’ll never get back.  What have I done in THIRTY years?  A whole lot of not a lot.

I haven’t changed the world. I haven’t been to another country. I haven’t seen any of the seven wonders of the world.  Barely been outside of the south. Never been in love….

How did I get to be 30 years old, I’ve never been in love? I guess the same way I got to 30 years old without ever being in a relationship.  There…I said it. I’ve dated a little, VERY little, (first date wasn’t until I was 25 after all) but the longest I ever went out with the same fella was 4 weekends…and I should’ve listened to my gut after the 2nd date…he turned out to be a juvenile in a man’s clothing in the end. Oh well.

There’s a lot that I haven’t done that I’d planned on having done long ago. Visiting Ireland and Scotland, whale watching on an Alaskan Cruise and Vancouver Canada, Deep sea fishing for the big one, chasing a tornado, seeing the pyramids, snow skiing, shooting the Grand Tetons, kissing my fella in the rain, be able to ride a horse, but mostly I thought, and wanted, to be married, and have or be pregnant with the last of the at least 4 babies I want.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine being….well….single and a THRITY.YEAR.OLD.VIRGIN!  There…I said it. So many people don’t speak it aloud, and therefore just assume we don’t exist. Truth is though I’m not alone…and that my friends is a MARVELOUS thing.  We are rare, but not extinct.  And get this…I know DUDES, REAL MEN OF GOD, who waited until their 30′s or very late 20′s to save themselves for their wedding nights! True story!!

There are those of us still out there that believe God’s plan for marriage is the only way, and that sex is a sacred, intimate bonding reserved solely as a privilege and right to forever merge a man and a woman into one holy union.

Side note:  Want to know why sooooo many girls (and sadly, women) go CRAZY once they sleep with a fellow and he bolts? Sex is emotional for us…”part of our curse” as it was once put.  It is a physical “breaking” or “tearing” with us by giving the most sacred and valuable piece of our self that we can give man, and therefore when they “hit it and quit it” we’re left reeling.  Clinging to that thought of “if I sleep with him then he’ll want me.” or ”He’ll marry me because I’m giving him ALL of me.” is just Incorrect….and a very sad thought, it happens too often, and shatters so many young (and older) women unnecessarily. SAVE.IT!  If they want YOU then they’ll be willing to WAIT.FOR.IT!  If they can’t or won’t then you know they’re not really after YOU, but rather what you will do!

Thankfully I’ve clung to this knowledge even before I was truly saved. God enlightens some way before their years…I guess this was part of my enlightenment.

If they want ALL of “B” they’re going to have to commit to forever.  You’d think I’d have found that man by now…especially given as much as I’ve been going to Church since I was saved at 18, and as many Churches that I’ve been to here in the Bible Belt.  No such luck. If anything, and sites like “Christian Mingle” have solidified this, it’s proved to me that true, real, Jesus loving, CHRISTIAN MEN are 1 in a million….and most of them are already married to my friends.

Why do I say that? Because in all these years, and all the different dating sites I’ve tried, there comes one unavoidable conversation. And to my surprise, at first, most “Christian” men aren’t cool with 1) waiting until marriage and/or 2) “such an old virgin.”  True Story.

I refuse though to settle. I’ve been on a few first and only dates, and even fewer second or more dates because they couldn’t handle my “tiny” little bomb, but occasionally because I just didn’t hear or feel that “still small voice” that provided peace about the fella being more than just a friend.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten a couple of great guy friends out of the deal, but as a girl friend and I were recently talking “if there’s no spark or feeling they’re THE.ONE in the fist few meetings and date(s) then what’s the point in wasting their time…or ours?  Something I’ve always thought, observed in successful relationships, and tried to practice.

So, I suppose it’s no surprise really that I’m 30 and still retaining the ole “V-Card”, but it’s really rather depressing given I wanted to be done having babies by now. I wanted to be that “young mom” like so many of friends are, but I’ve learned one resounding, and valuable, tidbit…when you’re truly living and believing in Jesus’ loving sacrifice, and plan for your life, then you have to give up on what YOU want and KNOW that HE WILL NOT FORGET YOU NOR LEAVE YOU!

He won’t forsake His promises or the holy desires in our hearts…He put them there, He will fulfill them in His perfect timing.  It’s the waiting though that kills me softly.  Just because we know something to be true does NOT make it any easier to deal with.

I’m not a crier. I hate it. But I’ve cried, begged, PLEADED more times this past year for my beloved to walk in to my life before I was 30 than probably all of the other years combined.

Before last Valentine’s Day,2012, I begged and pleaded for it to be my LAST Valentine’s day as a single…Feb 14th came and went this year… still no beloved. Same thing for Fall, Thanksgiving, and Christmas 2012…don’t get me started on New Years 2013. Can a gal get ONE freaking midnight kiss in her life? Not this year…maybe for 2014….a gal can hope…and pray.

Given that I’ve accomplished nothing I wanted to do by this time it took some focusing to see what I’ve done that I never really wanted to, but that God has blessed me with.  1) My Photography business full time  2) the ability to teach and reach youth 3) the gifts and talents He’s bestowed up me via my eye and passion for photography, floral design, dance moves/rhythm, writing, speaking, and loving on people. 4) My precious family and friends 5) my drive and desire and 6) this outgoing, tell it like it is, outspoken, Jesus Freak personality.

I may not have, or be, what I wanted, but I still have so much to be thankful for that I just don’t deserve. I may have to live at home with my parents, but at least I’m not in a call center and on all kinds of medications for stress, depression, anxiety, high BP, chronic migraines, etc…

I may be a 30 year old virgin, and the but of a few jokes because of it, but at least I don’t have to forever deal with a dead beat baby daddy, miserable shotgun marriage, or single parenting, STD’s, emotional scars from being used or dumped, or the extra/upped chances of contracting HPV/Cervical Cancer that sex with multiple partners provides.

I may not have been outside of the US, but I’m building a business that will provide those opportunities…and the means to professionally capture those memories and sights!

I may not be rich, or financially stable in all honesty, but I have what I need.  I want for nothing except my beloved.

All in all I may not be anywhere or have anything I wanted to, but I’m right where God wants me to be, and I know with every fiber of my being that what God has in store is far greater than anything I’ve imagined.

The love story He has waiting on me with my beloved I feel will literally be better than any movie I’ve ever seen…any dream I’ve ever dreamed.  The dream and longing for him does so now even as I write this.  “…and suddenly, it’s hard to breathe.  I think of you, and what’s to be.  I weep in loneliness for now, but long for the day when all of that will fade…fade with one solemn vow…” Partial lyrics to a song maybe I’ll finish someday.

My goals and dreams are lofty. I’m a dreamer, but mostly a believer. I am also now 30. It feels nothing like I thought it would….but there’s a purpose and a plan.

To my dear beloved, get here as fast as you can….I’ve missed so many years with you already, and I want to be able to have a 50th anniversary with you… “Time’s a wastin’”

As always,

XOXO- The Impatiently Patient Single

Christians & Our “Friend”ships

Lately something has been bothering me.

I used to think I had A LOT of true friends. Wonderful people to lift me up when I felt or fell down, help when I needed it, encourage when I doubted, be my prayer warriors….and then I changed Churches.

Usually I try to not “step on toes”, but here it is…”calling people out” because talking to a few friends from other churches lately has revealed that IM NOT ALONE! This sadly happens A LOT! But why?

Are true friendships to be confined to only those who attend and worship as we do?

Don’t misunderstand I have several true friends from different Churches, or no Church at all, but why is there this silent “shunning” once we follow God’s call of leaving a Church?

Note: I’ve always said NO ONE can make you leave a Church! If you left a Church because of someone then you left in error. Only God should ever call you away from a Church…what if you haven’t accomplished all that He wanted you to there? You’re possibly delaying the future He has for you, or others, as maybe what He wants for you is still there.

I’ve noticed it, several of my friends have “lost” friends they once thought were great “true” friends….all because God needed us in different Churches.

Why? We’re supposed to be the hands & feet of Christ, and yet it appears we confine that to “only if they go to our Church!”

UNacceptable! I challenge that we should all look around us and note the ones who’ve left our Churches, and how we treat them now. Are you still as much a friend to them as when they were there…right in your face every Sunday & Wednesday. If not…why not? What changed in the relationship other than their place of worship?

I consider those people to be the worst Hypocrites within the Church. Granted the word hypocrites doesn’t offend me anymore…as God called us one first when He said we’d still sin even after we were saved, but you get my point.

True friendship should never be confined to only within walls. Just like we shouldn’t be fake friends with co-workers and then drop them once they change jobs.

Are you being a true friend…or a fake friend? Check yourself. If 3/4 of your “great friends” are within your own Church look at the friendships, or lack there of, with the ones who’ve left. How have they deteriorated? Why have they deteriorated?

If the answer is basically summed up to “they’re not at my Church anymore so I: don’t have time, don’t want to, I never really liked them anyway, etc…” then you severely need to check yourself. That’s not a friend, and if you’ve done it to others who’ve left think forward to how you’ll treat the next “great CHURCH friend” who leaves…or how they’ll treat you if you leave.

It’s a vicious cycle that needs addressing. One of my actual friends was asked by a non-Church going family member “So…are all those women you go to church with REALLY your friends, or are they just Church friends?” Her answer was “Yes! Of course!”

….but that lone question made me realize what has happened to me in the past, and what has happened to a lot of my friends who’ve been called away from their old Churches.

Sadly I doubt that her answer would ring true if she was to leave her Church. Why? Now looking at so many of our friendships & how many of them are people we see every Sunday & Wednesday, or at the ladies Church event, Church outing, etc… would they stand up for me, come to me, bring food to me, comfort me, pray for me…if I wasn’t within their walls? Doubtfully not.

So, what’s the point of this post? I want to bring you all to enlightenment of how just sorry we are as “friends” as Christians. Honestly NOTHING should keep us from being a friend to someone we are friends with at Church…or elsewhere.

Ask yourself “Would we be friends if they didn’t go to my Church?” And TRULY examine the “friendship”…is it a “Church-ship” or an ACTUAL FRIENDship….because true, real, ACTUAL friends transcend time, space, and locations to be there for each other.

Unfortunately so many of our churches are SUCKING severely at being true FRIENDS. Which is damaging our Churches testimony outside the Church walls….

“Huh?” People talk. I’m taking about it now right! But when most people talk about people, or CHURCHES, who’ve let us down, or failed at being REAL, they name drop…big time! And we all know how word gets around. Who wants to go to a Church where they know that people there aren’t going to ACTUALLY be their friend? I don’t! I won’t…anymore!

Check yourself…before you wreck…GOD’s CHURCH!

The Bed, The Shower, The Car | The Impatiently Patient Single

Odd title I’m sure, but all will reveal itself in time.

These past few months I’ve been BATTLING what I’ve been called to do. Battling this artistic gift of Photography, and capturing life through my lens.

Why? Well…to be transparent, as is the purpose of this blog, I’ve been only slightly bitter at God.

“Bitter at God?” Yes. I’ve wondered and begged for an answer to why I have to be single, and why this is a gift He gave me, and a passion He called me to, when He knows just how badly I want the events that I capture for others for myself.

Seeing lovebirds doting on each other, pregnant mothers feeling their baby wiggle inside their belly, children laughing and their parents playing with them, newborns all sweet and squishy, I desperately want alllll of that.

I’ve tried my hardest, truthfully I have, to “just forget about it” so that it can happen as sooo many seem to tell me that’s what happened and then they met their beloved.  I have no idea why I can’t. I’ve prayed so hard I’ve sobbed myself to sleep, and I HATE crying, on a slightly damp pillow. (Hence “The Bed” part of the title). Begging God to take away this longing, to let me not see it and not want it, to just let me forget about it.  Alas, it hasn’t gone away, but it’s INCREASED?

I’ve heard too many times over the years to just “let go and let God”. How do you let go when the feeling that something…rather someONE is missing from your soul?  I must say that further thought has revealed that why should we have to forget and “give-up”…just TRYING to do that is exhausting when you’re hit in the face with it literally every.single.day because it’s your career.

I’ve honestly felt as if something was wrong with me because I can’t forget nor give-up the hoping and the “search”.  But why?

Do we tell people who are sick and praying for healing to “forget it and give up and it’ll happen”?  Or people who are looking for a job, praying for a wayward family member, etc…? No! We’d be seen as complete douche bags if we told someone the things we seem to think it’s ok to tell a single person!

Can you hear it now? “In God’s time if you just forget about it and truly give-up the search for a cure you’ll be healed”! Ummmm NO! I think I might have to slap someone. Why then do we think it’s good advice to tell single people that? If they truly know within their core that there’s some piece of them missing what good is trying to force yourself to forget and give-up? That only seems in my case to backfire.

Someone said once “God is all you need. If you feel there’s a piece of you missing then you’re missing Jesus.”  Well, ma’am, if I wasn’t truly saved I’d say you might be right, but since 12/23/2001 I’ve been “on the winning side” so, that’s not it! Clearly!

It’s a desire and a longing that at times hits me when I’m in the shower and just pulls me to the shower floor with the water washing my tears away as fast as they fall. Not one of those fake “movie cry” shower scenes, but an actual fall against the wall and slide down because you’re just so overcome with grief for something, someone, who’s missing that you cannot hold yourself up.  Someone you’ve never met, or at least don’t know that they’re your other half. (That’s “The Shower” part in case you missed it)

I’ve been told over and over through the years that I’m “such a stong person” that I “intimidate” men because I just don’t need a man. I must say I’d agree that I am a strong person.  God created me to be a strong person, and my life has solidified this fact. I’m the one people seem to flock to for advice, to lean on, to lift up, to “preach” the funeral of my grandmother, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but in all honesty at times I just want to CRASH in to a set of strong arms and be swallowed up in love, hugs, and kisses that absolutely make the world melt away.

I want to have my other half that knows me like no one else, and can read me and see past my strong facade. See through me and know that while on the outside I’m putting on a smile so others don’t have to feel for me so I can focus on their problems and be there for them, that really ALL.I.WANT is to be grabbed up in a hug I can’t escape from until I just let go! I feel he’s missing…the other half of my soul who literally completes me, and fills this GIANT space that I feel has grown these past few months.

I’ve never been “this bad” before. Literally it’s grown. The misery, the agony, the absolute deafening loneliness that consumes me at the most inconvenient times, has grown.  I can be driving down the road, (“The Car”) and I’ll see a couple cuddled side by side in a pickup, or holding hands walking down the street. Without even thinking about it “something gets in my eye” and from behind my sunglasses the tears start to trickle down my cheeks.

Then the battle to “Straighten up” and try to make sure no one can tell I’ve been sobbing begins. I mustn’t let anyone know how badly I’m hurting because truthfully I hate pity. HATE IT! I don’t want to talk about it face to face, I don’t want to talk about it on the phone (because if you know anything about me then you’d know I HATE talking on the phone), and I’d rather not talk about it via text.

Just let me sob and be alone awhile, and eventually I’ll be ok…well…to some extent.  The trick is though I’d be more than happy to let my beloved in on my sorrows. To allow him to comfort and soothe me like no one else on this earth could…that’s the thought that keeps me moving. I feel he’s out there. I KNOW he’s out there. He just has to give me the chance, and accept me as I am, and I’ll bestow upon him love like he’s never imagined.

Now you see how tormented I really am? Why I’d let myself become so bitter.  I’m ever so thankful I get to do what I adore. No matter how little I make (not even a third of what I made in my 9-5 job) I wouldn’t be able to give this up for anything. I’m just at a loss as to why God has subjected me and chosen me to share this gift with the world when it involves shooting and capturing everything that I feel deep within my being is missing from my life. Can.not.grasp.it!

I don’t understand why he hasn’t come yet and swept me off my feet. I refuse to play games like “hard to get”, or “ignore the phone call”, or “emotionally distant”, and so on that seem to work so well for others….that’s not me. If I want you to call or text me I WANT you to call or text me. If I call or text you I WANT to call or text you…that’s a HUGE deal. That means I actually want to hear your voice and know how you’re doing, what you’re doing, and that I’m thinking about you (and hoping you’re thinking about me). As much as I love my family and girlfriends I don’t crave that kind of attention from them. It truly is a different kind of love and affection that I want to receive and GIVE ever so longingly.

I don’t have time to waste on games, and as much as dudes say they don’t want a gal who does why are they the ones they fall for? Why do they seem to run from ladies like me who clearly show they’re interested and value what they have to say? I know I know I know the answer is I just haven’t met the MAN God has for me…and a true Man he will have to be, but I just don’t see why it has to take so long for him to get here when I’m swimming more and more in misery watching everyone else enjoying what I desire.

I was listening to Josh Turner’s “I Was There” and it gave me comfort and reiterated everything I know already. HE is always here, and He loves me just as I am.  I remembered the promise He made me years ago, and while I was comforted a little that longing, missing someone feeling is still there. My beloved will be here one day, and he’ll love me in spite of my quirks. He won’t be that pansy in the movies who doesn’t chase after me when I storm off mad, but he’ll come after me and make me face the issue.

Facing the issue right now is so difficult because the issue stares me in the face via my camera, and my computer all day every day.

If words would suffice how badly I want to just shut down my computer most of the time here lately when I fire it up, because I know what lies in front of me, I’d tell you, but they wouldn’t be pretty words, and who wants to hear ugly words when that’s all we hear anyway?

I shall press on however, towards the goal, no matter how far away that goal line gets. One day I won’t be sobbing myself to sleep, hitting the shower floor, or longing for a car ride snuggle buddy…because I’ll have my own. I cannot wait for that day.

Thus why I’ve made a decision this evening that I have to withdraw myself from Facebook and Instagram which only seem to perpetuate this longing and bitterness. Seeing extra images of other’s happiness only digs the knife in deeper. So. Until after the Holidays I’ll strictly be blogging and Tweeting with of course post to my FB Business page..though the past few months that’s been a waste of time and $ as well, but I digress.

Sometimes you just have to pull away from the people and things that bring you down, and keep you from being the person God wants you to be. And I’m positive He doesn’t want me perpetuating my misery with undue heartache, therefore I’m doing what I need to do to maintain some semblance of self.

Here’s to maintaining my dreams and goals, and here’s to my future beloved. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I’m here…waiting…and can’t wait for you to sing to me Josh Turner’s “As Fast As I Could” and/or Justin Moore’s “Til My Last Day!” Or at least spin me around the dance floor to them.

Waiting,

The Impatiently Patient Single

Where are those Hallmark, Storybook men? | The Impatiently Patient Single

“The Impatiently Patient Single”.  It came to me after re-reading my last blog post “No One Ever Talks About…”  It hit me that that’s what I am. Right now anyway. Thus the new “Title” if you will for this journey I am on…and now sharing with you…the unknown.

I’ve come to believe that one of the biggest problems non-believers have with believers is that we’re, for the most part, HUUUGE in to this “sweep it under the rug” bit. We’ve bought in to the lie that no one needs to hear about our struggles, they have their own right? But really why wouldn’t they?

They’re just like us. They just don’t believe…yet, as I pray they will. Even other Christians need to know though that we too struggle and that they’re not alone.

That in mind…here goes. This week I finally FIRED the dating websiteS I subscribed to. Yup! I did it!

I can’t tell you how long I’d been on EHarmony, Match.com, even Christian Mingle (which I’ll explain in further detail is a JOKE).  Seriously I don’t want to think of the $ I’ve wasted over the years. *cough cough since 2006 cough cough*

“Wasted?” YES! WASTED.

I now see it as my version of “Playing God”.  I bought the lie that Christian Mingle now tries to sell us that “I’d never have met my spouse if not for Christian Mingle.”

Seriously? How little faith do we have in God? Hasn’t He been bringing people together for thousands of years WITHOUT the help of the internet?

I can’t count the number of amazing husbands and wives over the years who I’ve met that literally just bumped in to each other, were introduced to each other, or set up on a blind date. No dating site involved…NO MONEY involved.

I realized last week that as much as I want to be un-single and un-alone on this earth…especially after a solid 29 year stretch of it…the disappointments I’d been experiencing through internet dudes was my fault. I was trusting the internet, not God, to bring me my beloved.  I was playing God through the internet.

Maybe it’d have worked out slightly different if the entire time I was using this “method” I asked God to use it for His glory. At this juncture I doubt it though because I do know I prayed constantly to meet my mate, and if it was going to happen it would’ve happened a while ago or by now.

Too many times I received messages back that to quote one “follower of Jesus”, “I think you’re too much of an über Christian for me”….from supposed Christian men. Really?

Here’s the basic crux of my profile. In the spirit of true transparency I’m posting the exact excerpt here.

“Here’s what I’m looking for: A MAN who knows who he is, stands firm in his beliefs and LIVES those beliefs. He loves Christ more than himself and more than he ever plans to love a woman, would give the shirt off his back to help someone in need, puts others needs and wants above his own, loves their family and friends, and is kind and gracious to everyone he meets.  Also, and I know these men exist so I can say this, he must be patient, gentle, slow to anger while still being able to take charge and “be the man”, prize inner beauty over outer beauty, and have a love of all things country with an appreciation for the “finer things” every now and then”

I go on to tell about me. What I love to do, what makes me happy, and so on.  But that one paragraph seemed to send men, even the most advisedly “devout” one’s running. It was either that or my photos…but I don’t think I’m that bad looking for a 5’9 “brick house”, but I did get the “über Christian” comment more than once so I’m pretty certain it was that.

But why? These are the same men I see in Church on Sundays. And yet they feel like my “demands” make me an “über Christian”? I mean I’m not the Duggers here.  I believe dancing is good for the soul, there’s nothing wrong with a drink here and there (drunk/tipsy people are the problem),  I don’t believe you need to wear a wet suit to go swimming, or have to wear a skirt all the time, etc…

I’m not bashing “uber Christians” though! Promise!

Are those items on my “list” not Biblical characteristics of Godly men? Well…maybe the country part is me, but seriously if dude’s can get the “long legs”, “blonde hair”, blue eyes”, “tall”, “great cook”, “doesn’t mind getting dirty”, “knows how to change a tire”, and so on that I’ve heard from several of their own lips that were on their lists…and they got that woman…then I can have my country gentleman!

I learned this week that YES I do indeed have high standards…VERY high standards. Why? Because they are GODLY standards, and sadly in this world Godly standards are seen as “high”.

So, I’ve kissed dating sites good-bye.  I’ll be honest I did leave my profile up on one, but I’m no longer wasting money and letting them play God in my life.

Why leave it up then?  Because I want the so-called Christian men who read it to know that they can’t have a lady as wonderful as I would be to them unless they truly pursue God’s heart FIRST…and that women like me DO in fact exist, and will not settle for their lies, or false Christianity.

I’m sure some will say “Well, I met my husband on a dating site!” and that’s GREAT for you! I really am happy! But I just don’t believe God wants me spending so much $ in a month on a dating site when I could use that money to sponsor a child, donate to a shelter, give to missions, or even just pickup someone’s check in town.  HE will bring my beloved around when it’s time…dating site or not.  So don’t believe the lie Christian Mingle is trying to SELL!!!

As I once read in a book I can’t remember the title of it was a paraphrase of this: “God’s been bringing people across oceans, and continents for thousands of years to bring them together. Don’t think you have to go above and beyond, or ”put yourself out there”.  You have to be available and open, but He’ll take care of it. Just trust Him in His time.”  So true.

I’ve learned so much about men via these sites, and none of it has been very uplifting.  Don’t get me started on the one’s I thought I knew…biggest let downs of all.  I’ve been duped and hurt more times than I can count…and that’s only by the few who actually contacted me for any time at all.   Which honestly never lasted long because as soon as they found out I was a card-carrying member of “The V-Club”, and just “fooling around” was not on the table, they were gone. “Christian” men at that!  Sad!

All these years of wasted time, energy, and money, and seriously I might have met 8 fellas in person…since 2006? Yeah… that’s just depressing!

So, here’s to just letting it happen in that “movie” fashion where God lets us meet at a party, a store, via a friend, him stumbling across my website, Instagram, etc… at least I’ll have more money when it does happen! HA!

I know you’re probably thinking “Well, you could be just as disappointed in meeting a fella at Church or somewhere else because they’re the same dudes online as they are in the real world”. And you’d be partially right, but as I’ve found, dudes online typically say they go to Church every Sunday, but that doesn’t mean they do. They may say they read their Bible or pray daily, but that doesn’t mean they do. They may say they believe the Bible whole heartedly, but they think sex before marriage is ok.  Just disappointing.  Remember that song by Brad Paisley? “Online”? It’s all too true really.

I suppose I’m old-fashioned as I expect everyone to just be real like me, and be up front and honest… Hey, my profile led off with this statement…

“Ok so let me be up front, blunt, honest, whatever you want to call it…I am who I am, I want to be around people who are who they are…no false pretenses, no “good behavior” because it’s how you’re “supposed” to act on a date/around the opposite sex.”

It’s a standard I would hope they expect from me, but yet I didn’t get that. Oh well. Live and learn.

Here’s to 2013. The year of the start of my 30′s. And hopefully the year of less self-induced disappointments.

I’m not giving up on love finding me, but that’s just it. Love will have to FIND ME. I just can’t take the heart ache of failed hopes anymore. That is what these years of dating sites have been…failed hopes and disappointment. I wish I’d have saved myself all the money though. I’d probably be able to buy the lenses I want…or the iPad I could seriously use for my business.

Take it from me, in my opinion it’s just not worth it if you’re even remotely a true Christian waiting for God to send you that true Christian mate. Waiting on God would’ve saved me sooooo much time, heart ache, and disappointment. I mean I already have enough heartache being single and apparently undateable, I could’ve done without the extra coming in from the internet.

My friends have married these men so I know they exist, but in my experience they’re just not on the internet.

So, where are those Hallmark, Storybook men who go to Church? Truthfully those men in those movies are usually the epitome of what a Christian man pursuing a woman should be.  You know…the one’s who can “read” you, know what you need, how to talk to you, what to say and do when you say “I’m fine” but aren’t. The one’s who pursue, send “good morning” messages, call to say “good night”, bring gifts or flowers on first dates, open doors, give you their coats, or help people in need. Again, my friends have married them… there has to be at least one more out there for me.

I won’t know though until God sends him my way in some random, FREE, way. And I’m perfectly ok with that…now.

Praying for this to be my last Christmas as a single. As I do every year.

A kiss under the mistletoe and a New Years kiss would be wonderful small dreams come true. Hey, maybe my beloved will be my Christmas gift. A gal can only hope!

Sincerely,

The Impatiently Patient Single

 

 

 

 

No One Ever Talks About….

I wish I could say this would be an uplifting, enlightening post, but the truth of the matter is I’m just not feeling uplifted or enlightened…to be perfectly transparent I’m struggling.  And struggling..HARD!

No one ever talks about how much harder it is to be patient the older you get.

No one ever talks about the things you have to give up in order to remain…PATIENT.

No one ever talks about how much you’ll miss out on while you’re being PATIENT.

No one ever talks about the absolute, purely terrifying, gut checking truths that you’ll have to confront while you’re being PATIENT.

No one ever talks about the sickening loneliness that no matter how hard you fight sometimes just ENVELOPS your being and crushes it with a panic attack weight…just an elephant sitting on your chest!

No one ever talks about, especially in a small town where everyone it seems is married and/or with children, how miserable it is to be single..and how much harder it is during the Holiday seasons of Fall and Winter when there’s so much “couple” fun to be had.  Where are the young single outreaches around here? The people whose hearts break for those in my boat just rowing along all.alone, and want to help…where are they?!

I absolutely get how so many singles, single women especially, fall for unGodly, not the Spiritual people we’re supposed to be yoked with. It’s HARD, and there’s virtually NO PLACE for us in Church. “Marrieds”, “Young Marrieds”, “Newlyweds”, “Engaged”, “College”, “Women, “Men”, “Single Again”, “Single Parents”, “Divorce Care”….notice there’s a group that’s skipped in there? When I first moved back here to rural town Tennessee almost 3 years ago I looked up every single “large” or “medium-sized” Church in the area…via a list I got from a connection with the TBC.  You want to know what upset me? Out of all these Churches from Sweetwater to Chattanooga that I emailed their pastors about what classes they had for mid 20 to mid 30 singles NONE of them had anything to offer! NONE! NOTHING! WHAT?

“Dear God, you put me back here with no Sunday School/Community Group/Small Group support system? Back in the midst of all these families, and couples? Really?” I had that thought…I even tried to message a few Pastors, Preachers, etc.. that I know and that I’d emailed previously asking if they had any singles who’d be interested in starting a multi-Church class or small group one night a week, as I wanted to start one, and none of them got back with me….none of them offered to help in any way. WOW! Thank you for letting me know how much you care!  Can we say they have NO CLUE how HARD this is, and how DANGEROUS IT IS for us to be earthly alone…and alone without a group of fellow Christian singles to console, comfort, HANG OUT, and FELLOWSHIP with?  And yet we wonder why the # of single, never married moms and dads keeps growing within Church walls! Because YOU’RE MISSING A MISSION FIELD that’s CRYING OUT for a place to belong, and aren’t finding it at Church so they seek it in less than savory character’s arms!

As I was reminded in a sermon a couple of weeks ago “Man was NOT created to be alone!” Then why this disconnect in Churches and the single population? I know I cannot be the ONLY single Christian in Church who wants a community of solo boat rowers looking to team up and lift each other up? THAT is the biggest thing I miss about my Middle Tennessee Churches….SINGLES classes, planning singles get togethers, fellowships, game nights, etc…!!! A class of people in my same boat, lifting each other up, studying scriptures applicable to how we feel and what we’re struggling with, and learning how to use them to cope with our current station in life! If there’s such a group here in southeast Tennessee then somebody PLEASE LET ME KNOW…I’m dyyyying for a community to belong to! And NO I don’t by that blow off that “well maybe you’re supposed to just serve the Church in the nursery during Sunday School since you don’t have a class you feel like you belong to”…REALLY some poor lady said that to me…. How about you, lady, just don’t get it because you’ve been married since you were 13! NO! I don’t feel that’s my calling on Sunday morning…I have a NEED, and where can I go to get that need fed like you marrieds, newlyweds, college, divorced, etc… do?  See my point now?

PATIENT…A word I’ve seriously grown SO irrevocably TIRED of!  I’m tired of being patient! I’m tired of seeing (and YES this will sound absolutely judgemental, BUT I’M HUMAN…NOT Jesus so get over it! THIS is the “ugly truth” about being a Christian….it’s NOT gum drops, and rainbows, and reciting Jeremiah 29:11 all.the.time! We have our limits too…) females who may be insanely better looking, and in better shape, than me get with wonderful Godly men only to treat them like a bank, a toy, or a rug!  Yeah, Yeah, I’m also tired of seeing wonderful women fall for absolute TOOLS who treat them like a servant, an option, and a convenience, BUT that’s not what this post is about!

Today I let go of some truths, hopes, and dreams.  I’d let go, obviously, a LONG time ago that I’d have spent my mid 20′s traveling and seeing the world with my beloved…before children. Now, I surrender knowing I’ll NEVER be married before I turn the dirty thirty.  I’ll NEVER have even ONE of the 4 children I dream of by the time I’m 30.  Nevermind the fact I’ve always wanted to be a young mom and have all of my kiddos before 30… Yeah…No way that’s happening!  I’ll, in all probability, NEVER have my babies grow up with my friend’s babies… Most of them are in school right now anyways! They’ll probably be their babysitters, but never a classmate or playmate.  I’ll, in all probability, NEVER see any great or great-great grandkids.  I’ll, in all probability, NEVER see 50 years with my true love.  That last one gets me…like having the breath knocked out me, gets me!  I want that…OHHHH how I want that!!!

All hard realities to swallow as they’re the “desires of my heart” that I’ve held since…well…I can’t ever remember a time when those desires WEREN’T there!!!! What happened to that “ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!” and “HE’LL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART!”  It’s “words of comfort” like that, and my favorite “in God’s time” that other Christians force feed us, the walking wounded…the single adults who’ve got their life together, done everything they want to as a single, and are ready for more, that absolutely make us want to hit something!  Yes you may mean well, but really sometimes all we want to hear is “I’m sorry!  I don’t really KNOW what you’re going through but IT SUCKS…and sucks major!” If you’ve said these things to me before, or other singles or people struggling with loss, etc…, I ain’t mad at ya…just know going forward there’s something else we need besides reiteration of what we know already.

We KNOW all those things, but what no one ever has said to me in all these years is that there’s a disconnected connection between being patient, and asking God to give the desires of you heart, and to ask and it will be given to you. In all reality you absolutely, positively just CANNOT do it! At least I can’t! How do you ask God to give you the desires of your heart when most of those desires are things we want and want like YESTERDAY, or want by a certain time because the world (even a lot of Church going, Bible believing people) are telling you “your clock is ticking”, “the odds of you having a child with ****** GOES UP EXPONENTIALLY over THIRTY!” and so on, BUT we have to wait on God’s timing? What? Is that confusing to anyone else when you put those concepts together as so many well-meaning “comforters” typically do?

How about you just be honest and real? It SUCKS….for now….I have no doubt that all this impatient patience (as let’s be honest and real…that’s really how we all are anyway) will one day have it’s purpose revealed in God’s timing, BUT for right now it doesn’t help when there’s no one else in my boat to talk to, who understands and holds the Biblical beliefs I do about single-ness, Christian relationships, etc….  No group for me to study with, fellowship with, lean on when I need someone to tell me things I am usually telling the few other singles I come in contact with!!!

I don’t like to end a post usually without summarizing it, but how do I summarize this? Maybe by asking you all to really think before you speak to a single and utter the things they already know…after all….we already know them….we’re just seeking comfort…and sometimes meeting us where we are with an “I hate this for you!” or “It sucks” is all we really need!  Or possibly an “I have someone you should meet…I think you two would hit it off if for nothing else then another single Christian friend!”  Building a network of same aged, like-minded Christians in this area, or any area really, should NOT be this hard!  Being PATIENT is hard, but finding a group of believers like you shouldn’t be!

 

Sincerely,

The impatient patient single!